Haunted
by mistycrow
Summary: Yato had trouble sleeping.


**Author's Note:** It's 4 o'clock in the morning and I should be sleeping. Is this too out of character? Are there any mistakes? Feel free to tell me, I'll do my best to write better next time.

I love reviews and thank you so much for reading!

 **Haunted**

Yato had trouble sleeping.

He would dream and dream of the days long gone. He would be haunted by the faces of people he killed - their screams, the blood pooling around them, the fear in their eyes. He could never forget how much they were scared of him: they ran away from him, not because he looked scary, or because he carried a sword, or because he was an angry god but because they wanted to live. It was as simple as that - they wanted to live, so they needed to hide from the God of Calamity, the bringer of death and chaos, the infamous Yaboku.

Even in his dreams he would be filled with the irrational need to kill those innocent people. He delighted in the way their blood would spill and their screams would be silenced for eternity. Their fear only made him laugh, for it was the reason he existed. He was made to kill. His whole purpose for being there was to cut and slay and murder. All that blood dripping on the ground just added to the praise he would get from father.

So what if some humans died? It was all good fun for him and Hiiro.

Yet here he is, sitting on his futon, clenching his fists and closing his eyes, wishing those images would go away and he could get some sleep peacefully. It was all good fun, but it was _wrong_ and Yato didn't even know it until he met _her._

He rubs his eyes and crosses his legs. He has gotten used to these dreams, but there is something _more_ now. Something is punching his stomach and squeezing his throat whenever he wakes up from a particular nightmare filled with his past and he wants to crawl and die where nobody can find him ever again.

It's the girl sleeping in her home, with her parents and brother; she is so peaceful, so happy, so _pure_. Whenever he wakes up and thinks of her _trusting him_ and _liking him_ he wants to beg the heavens to take him away. He doesn't deserve her. He did nothing in his long life to deserve someone like her. She is just like his Sakura, his beautiful and kind and _perfect_ Sakura - and he's scared he will touch her with his dirty, dirty hands and break her. He's scared he will paint her soul black and rip her apart. If he stays around too much, she will surely die and it would be his fault.

And it's the boy sleeping next to him; so young, so pure and so willing to protect him. This child, sharing a similar fate as his master, tainted with the faults of a bad parent but remaining pure until the very end - one thing that made him _different_ than the pathetic wreck he calls a master. He uses this kid every day and every time they get out, Yato fears he will get hurt or die - and he fears he will kill him, though not intentionally. This pure child will surely drown in his mistakes and Yato would just watch him get lost.

They should've have just left him, Yato knows.

He isn't a good friend; he takes her money, puts her to danger, ruins her parents' carrier and so much more. Who knows what he will do next - burn her house with her family inside? Because he _just might_ , because he isn't a _good god_ , he is wrong and evil and he brings calamity wherever he goes. He will end up hurting her beyond repair.

So she should have just left him, like all the others did. She should have turned her back and ran away, as fast as she could - so she could be safe. He was a god with hands washed in the blood of his victims. What good could he do for her? How could he make her happy with the weight of his past heavy on his heart?

He looks at the moon shining beautiful and proud. There is a black cat sleeping on a roof and he smiles. Then he cries, as silently as possible, with the smile staying still on his face.

At nights like this he can't sleep, because it's too hard for him to _remember_ who he really is. He sees Yaboku and the mask of Yato falls too deep. He is scared that one day, he would not be able to reach it and pull it out and he will just die there.

He wanted to start anew. He thought, for a single, beautiful, precious second, that he might become a god of fortune. People could love him and build shrines for him. And nobody would walk away.

Will Hiyori leave? That's what he asks himself every time Hiyori faces some form of danger because of him. Will she forget?

And he's still afraid that Yukine might just leave him. He could do much better than Yato and the god, masochistically, makes sure the _hafuri_ knows it. So it could be any day now, that Yukine decides to leave him for someone better.

Who is he to judge them? He is a worthless god after all.

"Yato?"

The god of calamity freezes, only then realizing he was trembling and clutching the sheets. He hasn't lost himself this much before and he thinks he has made some noise to wake Yukine up. He closes his eyes and tries to hide his tears.

For he can never know his master is this weak. For he will leave if he knows what he has been thinking.

"Trouble sleeping?" comes the tired voice of his child _hafuri_ and Yato bites his lip.

"Kind of. Go back to sleep Yukine."

He hears the shuffling of the sheets and lets out a shaky breath. If Yukine presses out too much, he might just spill it out.

He hears footsteps and a second later, there is a warm body sitting next to him. He opens his eyes and looks at Yukine's. He can feel worry spreading through his chest and he wants to tell the boy to stop feeling so concerned, there's nothing wrong, but tonight he doesn't want to lie.

Yukine just looks at his eyes and Yato thinks he sees something there, for Yukine reaches out hesitantly and grabs his hand. "You can tell me," he says. He is calm, just like Yato was when his precious kid was just too afraid of the dark and couldn't sleep without someone holding his hand. He is calm, because he knows he is dealing with a ticking bomb. He needs to take the blow with a clear mind.

Yato looks at Yukine's eyes and a tear falls from his eye.

"I didn't want to kill those people," the god of calamity says the words he wanted to say out loud for so many years.

"I know."

He holds the small hand in his sweaty palm tighter and leans in. They are pretty close now, the god looking into the eyes of the _hafuri_.

"Do you?"

Yukine doesn't smile. There isn't a single movement, a single twitch of a muscle on his face as he looks into the blue ocean of his master's eyes.

"Yeah."

Yato lets three more tears out and puts his head on the thin shoulder. His nose touches the name on Yukine's skin and he feels safe.

"Good."

His _hafuri_ gently pushes him to bed and pulls the blanket over them. Yato knows Yukine should be afraid, because the light of his lamp doesn't reach there, but the boy doesn't feel scared. He just lies there with his master and lets the stray god hold onto him. For once in their one year old partnership, and for once in his hundreds of years of living, Yato lets Yukine be the one who keeps them both strong.

Yato sleeps that night.


End file.
